what is love? oops..

I didn't mean to publish just a title..oh well..

i have not been able to sleep. There has been things eating at me so long now.
I have some to the conclusion that I need to paint more. Paint more so that I can express myself in a different way. I painted a couple things tonight. And I love one of my pictures. When you look at it. You see muted colors and a heart but nasty muted purple and brown and black in there as well. Everything looks as if it is washed away and forgotten. But then you see a red heart in the bottom right corner. Its not a perfect heart but you can tell its a heart. It just speaks to you in some way. Well at least that is what it does for me. That is what is going on in my life right now. Except there is no hear in the corner everything is just muted colors and washed away. But soon I will find that heart I just have to keep looking and seeking after my Heavenly Father for it is his heart that I wanted to be chasing after. Painting has opened up so many doors for me. I enjoy doing it because it allows me to basically pour my thoughts and emotions and feelings directly onto paper with color and different designs. When looking at a painting the story isn't just given to you. You have to figure it out. It is sort of like Shakespeare. He doesn't just tell you what the sonnet is about. You really have to read it and dive into it. Well I believe that is Shakespeare were a painter he would be an abstract painter. Just like with the sonnets you have to really look and read and think about the painting and think about the colors and what they mean and what is popping out and what do you see first? Is the eye being led somewhere?
Being an artist is difficult but you see it pays off in the end. there is nothing better than seeing the finished result and wanting to just smile or cry or laugh or just sigh. A painting can lead to many different kinds of emotions you just have to create them with the colors and the way you use your brush. To be a great artist is something I aspire to do. I want to be remembered as the artist whose paintings made you come away with a different emotion every time you looked at the painting. To see something different every time you looked at the painting. To want something more when looking at the picture. TO want love and laughter, and peace and anything else that you can dream up. But making the person who is looking at the painting create that word. Well that is a successful painting. I wouldn't want to just give away the story. That would defeat art.
I want to be able to call myself a successful artist one day.

Art is love.