Bleeding

My heart has been shot with more than just a bullet. Try words. and hated everything.
Why do people have to be so cruel in this world?

Trying to make sense of everything. Knowing that people that I once liked are really people who have a cold heart.
I have decided that I must fight for myself in this world. I will never know is people are telling the truth. Why do people have to be so two-faced?
Do people really think that that is the way life really should be?
And that is how they should act?
Because seriously why do people believe that getting through this life consist of being jerks and bitches (excuse the language)
Re-evaluating friendships is a definite right about now. I never know who is my real friend and who is just a jerk.

I am leaving now with a word of if you have a problem with someone tell it to their face and work it out. Don't talk about people behind their backs it only causes disension!!

what is love? oops..

I didn't mean to publish just a title..oh well..

i have not been able to sleep. There has been things eating at me so long now.
I have some to the conclusion that I need to paint more. Paint more so that I can express myself in a different way. I painted a couple things tonight. And I love one of my pictures. When you look at it. You see muted colors and a heart but nasty muted purple and brown and black in there as well. Everything looks as if it is washed away and forgotten. But then you see a red heart in the bottom right corner. Its not a perfect heart but you can tell its a heart. It just speaks to you in some way. Well at least that is what it does for me. That is what is going on in my life right now. Except there is no hear in the corner everything is just muted colors and washed away. But soon I will find that heart I just have to keep looking and seeking after my Heavenly Father for it is his heart that I wanted to be chasing after. Painting has opened up so many doors for me. I enjoy doing it because it allows me to basically pour my thoughts and emotions and feelings directly onto paper with color and different designs. When looking at a painting the story isn't just given to you. You have to figure it out. It is sort of like Shakespeare. He doesn't just tell you what the sonnet is about. You really have to read it and dive into it. Well I believe that is Shakespeare were a painter he would be an abstract painter. Just like with the sonnets you have to really look and read and think about the painting and think about the colors and what they mean and what is popping out and what do you see first? Is the eye being led somewhere?
Being an artist is difficult but you see it pays off in the end. there is nothing better than seeing the finished result and wanting to just smile or cry or laugh or just sigh. A painting can lead to many different kinds of emotions you just have to create them with the colors and the way you use your brush. To be a great artist is something I aspire to do. I want to be remembered as the artist whose paintings made you come away with a different emotion every time you looked at the painting. To see something different every time you looked at the painting. To want something more when looking at the picture. TO want love and laughter, and peace and anything else that you can dream up. But making the person who is looking at the painting create that word. Well that is a successful painting. I wouldn't want to just give away the story. That would defeat art.
I want to be able to call myself a successful artist one day.

Art is love.

what is love?

crazy

Sorry it has been a while. Things have been crazy and they will continue to stay that way for a while now.
I have finally started writing my book. I am thrilled to say that i am actually on a good start. So I guess we will see where it takes me.
I am off now.

OH Columbia!

this is the best family portrait ever!

A Day.

Sit and wait till the next class. Seriously though, I am bored beyond belief.
Sitting here and watching the office. What could be better?
I am really not knowing what to do with my time here. I am thinking about reading some more in my color theory book. I will probably do that once I watch another office episode.
So I am going to leave this blog now.
Wow this is the most boring blog I have ever written.

ALIVE!!

Thinking positive will get you through life! Seriously! When people ask you how your day is going or how it went.
You may be tempted to think that it was an awful day because some stupid thing happened but the truth of everything is. It is a splendid day because you are alive and well! The world is still spinning and even though your head may be doing the same thing. That is no reason why you should be a downer.
Rejoice for great things are headed your way!!

Prayer

What is prayer?
Yes, it is talking with God. But When asking God what you want or need. Should you really be wasting your breath on something that is going to work its way out. Praying big!
Go big or Go home!
what is worth praying for over and over and over again?

Here is how it went

Woke up oh too late. but then had work. and then the best part. I got to finally hang out with some friends. people that I had just met but new friends none the less. I am so excited of the many things God has blessed me with.
I am dreading going back to school. But who isn't?
Its all good though. I am going to make the most of it. I am planning on studying harder than I have ever done before. Get back into shape. These all may sound far fetched. But you see I want to be more disciplined. More organized.
More me!
Setting goals for myself! yay!
Anyways. I am very excited about the return of my small group! Oh how I love those girls more than anything! The small group that I am in means so much to me. They are all like sisters to me! We are all there for one another you know?

This is it for me. I am tired. and I need some sleep. Church tomorrow!
Yay!

peace out

Beauty

oh these are two of my favorite pictures.
God's beauty at its best!

A day for the record

I just want to keep writing. Never sure what I am going to write about. I just know that once my fingers hit the keyboard I just want to continue to write about the emotions. the abstract feelings.
I have this feeling.
When I grab a paint brush and step in front of the canvas I never know what I am going to create. Creating new ways to put paint on my canvas. Creating new ways to be an inventor of an abstract painting technique.
To be original in who you are.

A random star that represents a thought. A thought that will change the world. Change the world for what they believe is right. What might happen if your one thought could change the world. What would you do with a thought that could change the world?
If you had one thought to change the world what would it be? Would you have world peace? Solve world hunger? Knowing that your one thought will change the world. How amazing but terrifying. You have such power that could change many people's lives.

I hope to live each and every day as if I could change the world. Even if it is one smile at a time.

I leave you with one last thought.
"That which is impossible and probable is better than that which is possible and improbable."
- Aristotle

A smile

To see the day as it really is. Take the day one hour at a time.
Woke up and saw the day and frankly was a bit frightened.

To watch the flowers blossom and the sun set beyond the mountains. Just a dream I know, but it sounds good.
I wishing to paint a picture that resembles the emotions of that dream.

As of right now I am really unsure of how I am going to be able to balance out my money these next couple of months.
Being in college is great. No money. No free time. and nothing to do except study. yay!

ah. well this goes out to all you college students. hail to the unsteady sleep patterns. and the unhealthy diet of whatever is available.

Smile through the unsteadiness of life. Because through all of this comes the most outstanding character.