When is it going to rain again?

A tired mind. A tired Heart.
A loss of words for something special and close to my heart, frustrated with myself.
my fears are taking over me. They are becoming more real with every day.
I wish to walk among the lilies and smile with one perfect Lilly placed behind my left ear. with my sun dress twirling about.
free and beautiful
a way of wonder beaming from me with radiance and beauty
what is true beauty?
speak your mind and what's in your heart.
to want something more... no longer. It walks away
Still hasn't turned back.
the rain falls on me, as I sit there, without. Peace is no longer.
A storm has occurred.
Still have not yet gone inside away from it. Watching and hoping that is will disappear.
But all that happens is that the storms increases in strength.

A life that seems to be lived out of the box. to be different, to be a follower of the united force of believers
walking through a tired day with little things to go by
Road signs-warning me. telling me and guiding me.
the ways of the world are slowly caving in on me. not really knowing when and where everything is
my world is being tipped slowly
I just want to stand up straight and see the world clearly.
wishing that the world was not so cruel, and that my heart was no so broken and trashed. I deserve the best

wandering in the dark

tense. scared. alone. weary.
I feel these when life gets difficult and things become unclear. I feel as if there is no where to go.
Cramped up in a small place. Figuring out which way is up. Confused by what the world is telling you. All you want is the answer. I want to know the answer. Greedy i become and no longer do I trust.
I again give my life and my desires to the Father.
No longer do i want to try and control the outcome.

no longer mine

I have given everything to the Father. I can not do this on my own. Slip through my fingers for I never had hold on anything in the first place. I stand firm in my decision knowing that the Lord will bring it around in due time.
The dance will soon be here and I will not have to worry any longer

nothing is in my hands

black and white

I don't have much to say. Because pictures are worth a thousand words. And whenever I look at this picture i just sit and think. And I begin to dream. Dream about the days when I was a little kid.

peace

we all want more than just peace. We are looking for a way out.
Peace is great and all but an answer to life is really what we need and want.

a beauty lies within all of us. When we find it is when our beauty shines.

I want to shine from the inside out with beauty and love.
To have both is to glow with radiance.

Awaiting the next dance.

Awaiting the next dance and wishing and praying that this one will last forever.
Sitting in the chair i see across the room a smile at me. He just smiles for now. But one day I hope he asks me to dance. Im wearing my most precious gown and my hair is done just right. He comes and sits next to me. My heart jumps hoping this time it must be real. But instead he just asks how I am doing. How my day was. The normal small talk starters. I wasn't sure how to react. I was upset but happy. Sad but glad. He treated me the upmost respect. Something I haven't had before. I was shocked, not sure what to do. I just sat there waiting. I am still sitting here waiting. He still smiles at me from across the room. Waves at me. In between of what I would hope to be a dance he walks by me and talks with me.
I WANT TO DANCE!!! I just want to be twirled and dipped and held close. I want him to look at me like I am the only girl in the world. Why can't we just dance? What is taking him so long? I know I must wait, but until then I will look from afar and smile back at him hoping he will see the sparkle in my eye. Because he put it there.

I will dance. I choose to dance.
When you ask me to dance I will not only dance with you but run to you.
Look at me with those eyes I could melt into a million pieces.

I am awaiting the music.

Stars

Closer to the stars is a thrill. the open sky above you and al you think about is why so beautiful?
The beauty within the stars is breath taking.
Trying to catch a star between your hands but it never seems to work. You feel as if beauty if always just beyond your grasp.
You want it. You need it.
But you can't seem to figure out how to get it.
So you try everything to get you there. You still feel a yearning for those stars. and you never seem to get them
There is one way. There is one person who thinks you are just as beautiful as the stars probably even more.
Your Heavenly Father. You are his star. His precious star that shines at night. And we all know that there is always night time somewhere.
So you shine through the night all the time.

I want to be the star that beams.

I surrender

I give my life and my dreams to the one who put them on my heart in the first place. The creator of life.
I am running through life not knowing where to turn.
Questions stirring inside me nudging to come out. Who is going to answer them?

Take a day at a time and breath when necessary. Where do i place my anger? When do I forgive and when do I forget?
Am I suppose to just let everything go and not worry about it?
How am I suppose to wake up the next day and know everything is going to be okay? Will I ever be able to trust again and know that I won't be hurt?
A walk through forgiveness. The Lord has given me so I shall give to others.

Toes in the sand
A book in hand
And the waves crash the shoreline
A peace from Above,
refreshed and renewed from my Heavenly Father.

Life is different now.

Spend a summer around kids. and your life will be different. Step out of the box which you are known for. Be someone different, do something different.
Only you can change the outcome of your life and how it plays out. Be a leader, and if not be a servant and be an example of what a great follower is and how it is to be done.
Never say no to something just because its something you don't usually do. Try something new. You never know, that could be the one thing that will change your life forever!

Be diverse in your ways. Try something new. Be someone great.
Capture life <3

Wait upon the best gift.

love.
Don't give your heart away. It comes with a price. But when you know its the right time to give your heart away. Make sure the person you want to love. Will do anything for you and will not hold back and even take a second to think about it. He better not break your heart and or even abuse it. He should treasure it and treat you like you are the queen of the world. Because he got you. He won that battle.
Just believe and always hold your head up high.

WOAH!!

Like WOAH!
Pretty much craziness all day long. I was basically repelling off the roof. because I was getting something off the gutters. and it is pretty much impossible to do it with the ladder.
Anyways. Life has taken me for a crazy ride. I am ready to go to camp. and work out like 3 days a week and get into the best shape of my life. Im perkisizing!!!
im more excited about going off to school!!

Life moves fast....

Life changes...moving out..going off to college. And many others. Life changes. Exciting but if we were all honest to ourselves we would all say the exact same thing. Its scary. or I really have no idea what to expect. Why should we know everything that we are going to face. That would defeat the purpose of learning from our mistakes and learning just things in life.
Life moves so fast that sometimes we have to run to catch up with it. Sometimes we will blink and it is already a year ahead..Its crazy!
So Slow down. and enjoy what is around you. Don't try and run through life. Cause you just might miss something.

Peace

A Simple Beauty

Can you capture a moment in a photo?
A moment in time that represents a lifetime. A beauty that is placed into a picture for all to see what life is truly about.

DONE!!!

I am done working at my ex job! I am excited! Because this means SUMMER!!!

That all!

A Spring Day

A beautiful day. A day full of cool breezes and shopping and best friends.
Walk through the trees with a flowing dress, that is absolutely breath taking. And portrays me as a princess.
Reading the bible brings joy. Just a day where I am so excited! I will tell you more later..

A thought for the wounded

When it seems as if where you are is not what you want to be doing. Keep your chin up. Perservere, because once you are done with that stage in your life. You will be stronger. I know this because I have been in this place that I am in for about a year now. And now that my time is up well I can actually say that I am stronger now then I was when I started. So Yes it is true. I know this from first hand experience. Make the best out of it.
Keep it real.
And remember "Don't give up, Don't ever give up!" -Jimmy V.

An Almighty God

The Almighty God that I serve has been ever so faithful in never letting me stray away.
I sit and await a summer full of life changing experiences and best friends waiting to be met!
I can not explain to you how excited I am to see God transform my life this summer and the months after.
God has given me such an opportunity that I plan on taking with full strength and running with it and not looking back.

There has been some amazing things happen in my life lately. Such as, the way the Bible has become the most important thing I should be reading. I rely on its writings to lead me to where God wants to me to be. I want nothing more than to hear the voice of God. I have come to the understanding that God works through so many different sources. The Bible being one of them. I want to hear God in any way that I can. I surround myself with godly friends. And my family knows the Lord on a personal level. So the Bible is very important to me in knowing that God will reveal plans and messages through it so that I may better understand why I am on this earth.

Trust in the Lord no matter what. For He is always there no matter what anyone says. Rely on Him whenever things get rough and He will show you the way. That is a promise. Not from me, but from Him.

Be Blessed.

Stop and Stare

Where are you heading with your life?
Its ok not to know. But at least know why you are going that direction.
And since you are already heading in one direction. Run and don't look back. Make the most of it. And understand that since you have started running. you are becoming someone that you may not recognize. And only change yourself if its going to help you become stronger!
Stay Strong and don't slow down. Don't let your vision get twisted! Because when it becomes twisted you become someone else. I promise you later the next day, hour and even next 5 minutes. You will know that the decision you made was not yourself.

on that note. I am about to eat Chocolate Cake!!

Stay Sweet

Walking in Sunshine

Walking through today. Sunshine coming down. Wow what a beautiful day! Loving every minute of it.
Taking in the rays of sun that hit your face.
Make a memory.
Smile

The Perfect Day

The Perfect day.
Spent with someone you love. Someone who can make you laugh no matter what the circumstances are.
Best Friends. Duh.
Love at all times.
Silly photos. Way too much ice cream for one person to eat. 90 pizza rolls. Of course laughing. And staying up way too late talking about guys. duh.
The perfect guy though.
So that is my perfect day!!

forever seeking

Its been forever since I have written.
My best friend will be visiting me! I don't know what to say about it other than I am totally excited!! Its going to amazing!
I hope to do so much and more! Paint the town red!
I painted another canvas today! I love it! Something new. just three colors. It turned out awesome!

I must depart.

forever dream. seek yet another day.

thoughts about nothing.

simply said in the title.
I just wish too much sometimes.
going about my day reminding myself that i pretty much have to build a house for a final project. I know right. and I only have till thursday. Who do they think we are? Extreme makeover "Home Edition"?
I am not real sure but I can say that I am going to get it done.
But anywho. I am peacin' out.
I need sleep. And tomorrow will consist of my brain working overtime. WAY OVERTIME!
So here I go. listening to norah jones and sleeping.
Perfectness!

hollaa

P.S.

Jon Scheyer. guard for Duke Basketball.

Simply Beautiful!

Dear John

The book by Nicholas Sparks.
Wow! What an amazing book. If you like Nicholas Sparks and haven't read it. I would greatly encourage you to do so! I read it in about 3 days! I fell in love with the characters. It is one of the most romantic love stories. And it comes with unexpected twists that you may not like at first but if you think about it. Its closest to real life than ever!
That is what I like to read about. Real Life True Love. Not some fantasy that will probably never happen in a million years. But real true love. You know a story where you could honestly see that happening to you. Not something that you have to stretch your imagination to even think of a way that it could happen to you.

So I leave you with this thought.
What is true love to you? And how far would you go for someone that you loved?


Peace

Thinking about the future

Thinking about the future for me is nothing but weird and uncomfortable. I am not sure why. But I am thinking it is due to the fact that when I do think about that future I never know what to think. I have kind of put that in God's hands. Because honestly right now I can't think about the future I am 19. I am come on. I have such a long life in front of me. Even if sometimes that is hard to come to grips with.

But today. Felt like spring. As I was driving down Milledge Avenue (Sorority and Fraternity Lane) I saw guys laying out in lawn chairs sun bathing and girls laying out in their front lawns studying and chatting. Just thinking. This is like the perfect weather for almost anything. Excluding all winter activities. and possibly some other things.
But needless to say. It was beautiful! One of those days where you wouldn't have to decide between shorts or jeans. or short sleeve and a hoodie. Because honestly you could wear any of those clothings. that is how amazing it felt today! I was very pleased to walk outside and know that I would sweat or freeze to death. I went away today with a smile on my face.

The future holds some amazing things for me. And I plan on reaching them all! But I wish not to know them now.

Peace

hello all

I am now a year older. So that pretty awesome i guess.

Life has been craziness. But why wouldn't it be?
Running through life without a care. Well I wish I wouldn't. I am striving to see what God has for me now here in this place.
I love being myself and being a painter. I hope that is something I will be able to continue with.

I never want to sit and let time pass me by. Because that would be a waste and I would hate that with everything within me.
I want to be a different person. Like I want to change my ways. I want to be more like Jesus.

Now I must read.
"Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks.
I like it so far.

oh and if anyone has anything that they want prayed for let me know. I would love to pray for you!!

have an awesome week!

Em

my heart

my heart cries out. I do believe that things have never been this hard on me.
my desires are crawling out and i keep pushing them aside or back where they belong. Not wanting to show who I really am.
I am living somewhere and I shouldn't be here. I need to be where God wants me and needs me.
I am standing in tears up to my ankles. where the next day looks scary. I don't want to go. just hide.
why must things be so real? wishing i could just paint the day away.

leave. for you are not welcome

A little bit confused

When you are not sure yet if you want to surrender to those feelings. Trying right now to just ignore them but they are starting to bang on the door. I am not able to get away from them. I am starting to worry that this will just build up and then one day I will not be able to hold it in any longer. Then I really will not know what I should do with everything.
Continuing down this road may result into something I may not know where it will end. I am not saying that this is something bad because I do believe that this is nothing but good!
Really trying to understand why I feel this way. Why my heart has been captivated. Oh I have no idea.

Keep stronghold on my heart. Not letting it easily be swayed towards something that could lead toward destruction.

Yeah I am confused.

Bleeding

My heart has been shot with more than just a bullet. Try words. and hated everything.
Why do people have to be so cruel in this world?

Trying to make sense of everything. Knowing that people that I once liked are really people who have a cold heart.
I have decided that I must fight for myself in this world. I will never know is people are telling the truth. Why do people have to be so two-faced?
Do people really think that that is the way life really should be?
And that is how they should act?
Because seriously why do people believe that getting through this life consist of being jerks and bitches (excuse the language)
Re-evaluating friendships is a definite right about now. I never know who is my real friend and who is just a jerk.

I am leaving now with a word of if you have a problem with someone tell it to their face and work it out. Don't talk about people behind their backs it only causes disension!!

what is love? oops..

I didn't mean to publish just a title..oh well..

i have not been able to sleep. There has been things eating at me so long now.
I have some to the conclusion that I need to paint more. Paint more so that I can express myself in a different way. I painted a couple things tonight. And I love one of my pictures. When you look at it. You see muted colors and a heart but nasty muted purple and brown and black in there as well. Everything looks as if it is washed away and forgotten. But then you see a red heart in the bottom right corner. Its not a perfect heart but you can tell its a heart. It just speaks to you in some way. Well at least that is what it does for me. That is what is going on in my life right now. Except there is no hear in the corner everything is just muted colors and washed away. But soon I will find that heart I just have to keep looking and seeking after my Heavenly Father for it is his heart that I wanted to be chasing after. Painting has opened up so many doors for me. I enjoy doing it because it allows me to basically pour my thoughts and emotions and feelings directly onto paper with color and different designs. When looking at a painting the story isn't just given to you. You have to figure it out. It is sort of like Shakespeare. He doesn't just tell you what the sonnet is about. You really have to read it and dive into it. Well I believe that is Shakespeare were a painter he would be an abstract painter. Just like with the sonnets you have to really look and read and think about the painting and think about the colors and what they mean and what is popping out and what do you see first? Is the eye being led somewhere?
Being an artist is difficult but you see it pays off in the end. there is nothing better than seeing the finished result and wanting to just smile or cry or laugh or just sigh. A painting can lead to many different kinds of emotions you just have to create them with the colors and the way you use your brush. To be a great artist is something I aspire to do. I want to be remembered as the artist whose paintings made you come away with a different emotion every time you looked at the painting. To see something different every time you looked at the painting. To want something more when looking at the picture. TO want love and laughter, and peace and anything else that you can dream up. But making the person who is looking at the painting create that word. Well that is a successful painting. I wouldn't want to just give away the story. That would defeat art.
I want to be able to call myself a successful artist one day.

Art is love.

what is love?

crazy

Sorry it has been a while. Things have been crazy and they will continue to stay that way for a while now.
I have finally started writing my book. I am thrilled to say that i am actually on a good start. So I guess we will see where it takes me.
I am off now.

OH Columbia!

this is the best family portrait ever!

A Day.

Sit and wait till the next class. Seriously though, I am bored beyond belief.
Sitting here and watching the office. What could be better?
I am really not knowing what to do with my time here. I am thinking about reading some more in my color theory book. I will probably do that once I watch another office episode.
So I am going to leave this blog now.
Wow this is the most boring blog I have ever written.

ALIVE!!

Thinking positive will get you through life! Seriously! When people ask you how your day is going or how it went.
You may be tempted to think that it was an awful day because some stupid thing happened but the truth of everything is. It is a splendid day because you are alive and well! The world is still spinning and even though your head may be doing the same thing. That is no reason why you should be a downer.
Rejoice for great things are headed your way!!

Prayer

What is prayer?
Yes, it is talking with God. But When asking God what you want or need. Should you really be wasting your breath on something that is going to work its way out. Praying big!
Go big or Go home!
what is worth praying for over and over and over again?

Here is how it went

Woke up oh too late. but then had work. and then the best part. I got to finally hang out with some friends. people that I had just met but new friends none the less. I am so excited of the many things God has blessed me with.
I am dreading going back to school. But who isn't?
Its all good though. I am going to make the most of it. I am planning on studying harder than I have ever done before. Get back into shape. These all may sound far fetched. But you see I want to be more disciplined. More organized.
More me!
Setting goals for myself! yay!
Anyways. I am very excited about the return of my small group! Oh how I love those girls more than anything! The small group that I am in means so much to me. They are all like sisters to me! We are all there for one another you know?

This is it for me. I am tired. and I need some sleep. Church tomorrow!
Yay!

peace out

Beauty

oh these are two of my favorite pictures.
God's beauty at its best!

A day for the record

I just want to keep writing. Never sure what I am going to write about. I just know that once my fingers hit the keyboard I just want to continue to write about the emotions. the abstract feelings.
I have this feeling.
When I grab a paint brush and step in front of the canvas I never know what I am going to create. Creating new ways to put paint on my canvas. Creating new ways to be an inventor of an abstract painting technique.
To be original in who you are.

A random star that represents a thought. A thought that will change the world. Change the world for what they believe is right. What might happen if your one thought could change the world. What would you do with a thought that could change the world?
If you had one thought to change the world what would it be? Would you have world peace? Solve world hunger? Knowing that your one thought will change the world. How amazing but terrifying. You have such power that could change many people's lives.

I hope to live each and every day as if I could change the world. Even if it is one smile at a time.

I leave you with one last thought.
"That which is impossible and probable is better than that which is possible and improbable."
- Aristotle

A smile

To see the day as it really is. Take the day one hour at a time.
Woke up and saw the day and frankly was a bit frightened.

To watch the flowers blossom and the sun set beyond the mountains. Just a dream I know, but it sounds good.
I wishing to paint a picture that resembles the emotions of that dream.

As of right now I am really unsure of how I am going to be able to balance out my money these next couple of months.
Being in college is great. No money. No free time. and nothing to do except study. yay!

ah. well this goes out to all you college students. hail to the unsteady sleep patterns. and the unhealthy diet of whatever is available.

Smile through the unsteadiness of life. Because through all of this comes the most outstanding character.