hello all

I am now a year older. So that pretty awesome i guess.

Life has been craziness. But why wouldn't it be?
Running through life without a care. Well I wish I wouldn't. I am striving to see what God has for me now here in this place.
I love being myself and being a painter. I hope that is something I will be able to continue with.

I never want to sit and let time pass me by. Because that would be a waste and I would hate that with everything within me.
I want to be a different person. Like I want to change my ways. I want to be more like Jesus.

Now I must read.
"Dear John" by Nicholas Sparks.
I like it so far.

oh and if anyone has anything that they want prayed for let me know. I would love to pray for you!!

have an awesome week!

Em

my heart

my heart cries out. I do believe that things have never been this hard on me.
my desires are crawling out and i keep pushing them aside or back where they belong. Not wanting to show who I really am.
I am living somewhere and I shouldn't be here. I need to be where God wants me and needs me.
I am standing in tears up to my ankles. where the next day looks scary. I don't want to go. just hide.
why must things be so real? wishing i could just paint the day away.

leave. for you are not welcome

A little bit confused

When you are not sure yet if you want to surrender to those feelings. Trying right now to just ignore them but they are starting to bang on the door. I am not able to get away from them. I am starting to worry that this will just build up and then one day I will not be able to hold it in any longer. Then I really will not know what I should do with everything.
Continuing down this road may result into something I may not know where it will end. I am not saying that this is something bad because I do believe that this is nothing but good!
Really trying to understand why I feel this way. Why my heart has been captivated. Oh I have no idea.

Keep stronghold on my heart. Not letting it easily be swayed towards something that could lead toward destruction.

Yeah I am confused.